Can we still be friends?
I've never liked planning things too far ahead. What if something comes up and I have to say no? What if they get mad at me? What if I just don't feel like it when I wake up that morning? What if I stop liking that person for some random reason between now and then? I always felt more anxiety than excitement while I anticipated whatever the event was, so eventually I learned to just leave things open until just a day or two in advance.
After I had my daughter, I especially hated making plans in advance. She was never a good sleeper, so being tired took all the fun out of having fun. Going out was just another missed opportunity for a nap. Never mind that I may or may not have even gotten to fall asleep before Madison was up again. I just wanted to stay home until I decided, on my own terms, that I wanted to go out.
Fast forward to the present. She's eight months old now and sleeping better now that we have her in her own room. (It really was that simple.) We shoot for naps at 10 and 2 and bed before 8 PM. Now that I'm on summer break from teaching though, I want to get out and do something more often than I ever did in all the first few months of her life combined. It doesn't even matter what we do; I just want to get out and see family and friends!
However, if Madison is sleeping, the last thing I want to do is move her to a carseat. Even if she does fall back asleep, it won't be the same as a nap in her own bed. Nowhere I drive is far enough for her to nap for as long as she would if she were in her crib. It doesn't matter how stir crazy I am, how long I've been pent up. Unless she wakes up early, I am not leaving this house.
Some people understand that, and they work around Madison by letting me choose the time and place or by calling me back later if I say that she's asleep. It may be an hour or two late or in a kid friendly restaurant, but we would still get to hang out. Those people get it. But some people don't.
I have lost friends over this. As silly as it may sound, people have stopped inviting us over because we can't stay late or because we bring the baby. While I know I shouldn't be upset over this because they aren't the kind of friends I need nowdays, it still bothers me. I really feel like anyone could empathize with the importance of keeping a really high-maintenance, poor sleeping kid on a schedule. Her routine is what keeps us both from crying all day long! You don't have to have a kid to get that.
There are lots of things about parenthood that I understood before I signed the deal. For instance, no one had to tell me upon the birth of my child that I shouldn't get drunk. And no one had to tell me that I would not look cute in the same clothes as before. I definitely didn't need to hear that it would be a long time before I could stay up late and not regret it; or that it would be awhile before I could go out late with friends and not need to bring my hand pump; or that I would be pretty limited in what I could wear to work due to pumping breast milk. That was all pretty clear to me.
What I didn't know was that some of the people I was most excited to see after Madison's birth wouldn't be interested in seeing us on our terms, that I would lose people after having my child, that they just wouldn't understand that we are parents now. (It's happened to Tony too). If someone reaches out while Madison is sleeping, of course we say, call me later. We mean it when we say later, but sometimes people never take us up on the offer, and we never hear from them again (unless it's for them to rant about how we don't make time for our friends.)
It doesn't have to be that way though. If you try to reach us and we say no because Madison is sleeping, just ask when would be a good time. If we don't answer right away - and if we get distracted because she is super fussy that day and we have to go through all the troubleshooting: new diaper, back down for a longer nap, some cuddle time, a snack, play time all in a span of 45 minutes - don't just give up on us.
We aren't all parents, but we are all adults. Can we still be friends?
After I had my daughter, I especially hated making plans in advance. She was never a good sleeper, so being tired took all the fun out of having fun. Going out was just another missed opportunity for a nap. Never mind that I may or may not have even gotten to fall asleep before Madison was up again. I just wanted to stay home until I decided, on my own terms, that I wanted to go out.
Fast forward to the present. She's eight months old now and sleeping better now that we have her in her own room. (It really was that simple.) We shoot for naps at 10 and 2 and bed before 8 PM. Now that I'm on summer break from teaching though, I want to get out and do something more often than I ever did in all the first few months of her life combined. It doesn't even matter what we do; I just want to get out and see family and friends!
However, if Madison is sleeping, the last thing I want to do is move her to a carseat. Even if she does fall back asleep, it won't be the same as a nap in her own bed. Nowhere I drive is far enough for her to nap for as long as she would if she were in her crib. It doesn't matter how stir crazy I am, how long I've been pent up. Unless she wakes up early, I am not leaving this house.
Some people understand that, and they work around Madison by letting me choose the time and place or by calling me back later if I say that she's asleep. It may be an hour or two late or in a kid friendly restaurant, but we would still get to hang out. Those people get it. But some people don't.
I have lost friends over this. As silly as it may sound, people have stopped inviting us over because we can't stay late or because we bring the baby. While I know I shouldn't be upset over this because they aren't the kind of friends I need nowdays, it still bothers me. I really feel like anyone could empathize with the importance of keeping a really high-maintenance, poor sleeping kid on a schedule. Her routine is what keeps us both from crying all day long! You don't have to have a kid to get that.
There are lots of things about parenthood that I understood before I signed the deal. For instance, no one had to tell me upon the birth of my child that I shouldn't get drunk. And no one had to tell me that I would not look cute in the same clothes as before. I definitely didn't need to hear that it would be a long time before I could stay up late and not regret it; or that it would be awhile before I could go out late with friends and not need to bring my hand pump; or that I would be pretty limited in what I could wear to work due to pumping breast milk. That was all pretty clear to me.
What I didn't know was that some of the people I was most excited to see after Madison's birth wouldn't be interested in seeing us on our terms, that I would lose people after having my child, that they just wouldn't understand that we are parents now. (It's happened to Tony too). If someone reaches out while Madison is sleeping, of course we say, call me later. We mean it when we say later, but sometimes people never take us up on the offer, and we never hear from them again (unless it's for them to rant about how we don't make time for our friends.)
It doesn't have to be that way though. If you try to reach us and we say no because Madison is sleeping, just ask when would be a good time. If we don't answer right away - and if we get distracted because she is super fussy that day and we have to go through all the troubleshooting: new diaper, back down for a longer nap, some cuddle time, a snack, play time all in a span of 45 minutes - don't just give up on us.
We aren't all parents, but we are all adults. Can we still be friends?
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