Bad Tuesday
It's written in the rules somewhere that if you cuss only one time on your blog, your mom can't get mad, right? Because I had a really fucked up morning.
I'm going back to work tomorrow to get ready for the new school year, which is hard enough, but it's even harder now that I have a daughter. In my head, today was going to be all cuddles and books and going in the big girl potty and Disney movies.
As my last hurrah, I stayed up until midnight playing PlayStation. I was planning, and even told my husband as I fell asleep, that today was going to be "all business". I'd get Madison's enrollment packet filled out for her new daycare, drop the vaccination records request and daycare forms at her doctor's office, and probably even pick up around the house. That would make me feel ready to go back to work.
I got some of that done.
LikeI said, my last day at home was supposed to be a fun, sweet day with my daughter. So far she has witnessed me engage in the following acts: a dogfight, a people fight, heatstroke, and last but not least, explosive diarrhea. In that order. I warned you. I warned you in the second sentence of this post.
It all started with one tiny little poor decision. I bought a cheap hands-free dog leash off the Internet. I should have known from the smooth, shiny plastic that it wouldn't hold up, but it withstood all the tugs and jolts of two large breed doggies trying to get at rabbits, so I thought today would be no different.
Well about five minutes into our late morning walk, I saw a couple walking towards us with two small dogs. They saw me, my two dogs, and my stroller, but they didn't move. So I moved us all onto the street to let them pass. Everything was going to be fine because I was going to hold the dogs to make sure that they didn't jerk towards the little Yorkies, but just as I was getting a grip on their collars, the Yorkies started barking and running up to us. Then, Happy tensed up and the buckle on the hands-free leash broke.
So what does Happy Boy do? He grabs one little dog by the scruff of its neck and shakes it. The owners were screaming and hitting and kicking Happy, but he didn't let go; he just laid down and made himself as small as he could, with the other dog in his mouth. So I locked the stroller wheels and tried yanking Happy's ears and telling him leave it, but he just wouldn't let go. At this point, I resorted to a head lock, but I slipped and sat down on the grass. I got some tingles from some ants, but it was kind of a bad time to let go and swat them off so I ignored them.
The lady started screaming, literally "Ah!" over and over again and yelling at her husband to do something, so he tackled both me and my dog into the ant pile. Then they really started stinging. Happy had the yorkie by the scruff, the ants were all over my legs and in my shorts, the husband was on top of both of us, and then the wife started slapping us because Happy still hadn't let go. This lady was really freaking out, and she didn't have very good aim, so she missed a couple of times and got me instead. She broke my Fitbit and smacked my glasses off my face. So those were gone, Happy was stubbornly still holding the Yorkie, and the couple was screaming. Oh, and at some point the Yorkie stress-pooped on me. I was just completely at a loss. What else was I supposed to do? Happy eventually let go and the couple literally ran away. The whole time Puppy was chilling on her broken leash and Madison was open-mouth staring from her stroller at the curb.
I sent Tony a bunch of freak-out texts and started to walk everyone home. He honked at us from the street a few minutes later and took the dogs home. He didn't offer a ride and I didn't ask. My thumbs and wrists were both bleeding from the second Yorkie furiously defending his friend, but other than that I thought I was going to be fine. I realized how terribly hot it was getting right about the time that Tony sent me a picture of a small puncture on his hand. Happy had bit him too. He literally has never bitten any of us. I can picture it happening though because Tony gets really pushy with the dogs when they make him mad. That's not an excuse, but it is an explanation. So anyways, after I got that text, I started hearing my pulse whoosh in my ears, and they got really hot. I did not want to faint in the heat on that jogging trail because that part was off the road and out of plain view, so I hurried home. All I could think about the whole time was that I was going to have to put my dog down.
All of this gave me a small anxiety attack, and rushing around in the heat gave me mild heatstroke, so I got really nauseated before we could get back home. By the time I got us in the door, I was dizzy and my ears were ringing. I unbuckled Madison and rushed to the shower. Thinking, if I faint right now and need to ride in an ambulance to the ER, I am not going to do it smelling like stress-poop and body odor. Before I could get in, I felt my face heat up and my stomach start to cramp. Tony came in to check on me and ended up having to help me lie down on the floor. So dramatic. Like the part of the movies when the hero starts to black out from pain and exhaustion but keeps crawling forward. Except I looked pathetic. Sweaty. Red. Patchy. I crawled into the shower but couldn't stand the cramps. It was diarrhea time. Of course, that was about the time that Madison came in to see what was going on. Embarrassing moment number 1,523 for today. She clapped and said "potty!" I couldn't even laugh. Ant bites from my butt cheeks down to my toes, ridiculous stomach cramps, my face hotter than it's ever felt in my life... The freak out was soooo real y'all. If I had been thinking, I would have taken an anxiety pill. But anxiety pills are ironically the last thing I think about when I'm having an anxiety attack.
Tony works from home, by the way. He came to check on me several times and brought me a couple different things for the nausea. But what helped the most was Madison handing me saltines. She's unbelievably sweet when she emerges briefly from toddler ego-centrism to take care of someone or something. So I'm embarrassed about literally everything and burning up from the ants, but I'm fine. Mad about the Fitbit, but fine.
I don't have a lot planned for today besides meeting a new babysitter and buying a desk from a neighbor. God, please let the rest of the day be normal.
I'm going back to work tomorrow to get ready for the new school year, which is hard enough, but it's even harder now that I have a daughter. In my head, today was going to be all cuddles and books and going in the big girl potty and Disney movies.
As my last hurrah, I stayed up until midnight playing PlayStation. I was planning, and even told my husband as I fell asleep, that today was going to be "all business". I'd get Madison's enrollment packet filled out for her new daycare, drop the vaccination records request and daycare forms at her doctor's office, and probably even pick up around the house. That would make me feel ready to go back to work.
I got some of that done.
LikeI said, my last day at home was supposed to be a fun, sweet day with my daughter. So far she has witnessed me engage in the following acts: a dogfight, a people fight, heatstroke, and last but not least, explosive diarrhea. In that order. I warned you. I warned you in the second sentence of this post.
It all started with one tiny little poor decision. I bought a cheap hands-free dog leash off the Internet. I should have known from the smooth, shiny plastic that it wouldn't hold up, but it withstood all the tugs and jolts of two large breed doggies trying to get at rabbits, so I thought today would be no different.
Well about five minutes into our late morning walk, I saw a couple walking towards us with two small dogs. They saw me, my two dogs, and my stroller, but they didn't move. So I moved us all onto the street to let them pass. Everything was going to be fine because I was going to hold the dogs to make sure that they didn't jerk towards the little Yorkies, but just as I was getting a grip on their collars, the Yorkies started barking and running up to us. Then, Happy tensed up and the buckle on the hands-free leash broke.
So what does Happy Boy do? He grabs one little dog by the scruff of its neck and shakes it. The owners were screaming and hitting and kicking Happy, but he didn't let go; he just laid down and made himself as small as he could, with the other dog in his mouth. So I locked the stroller wheels and tried yanking Happy's ears and telling him leave it, but he just wouldn't let go. At this point, I resorted to a head lock, but I slipped and sat down on the grass. I got some tingles from some ants, but it was kind of a bad time to let go and swat them off so I ignored them.
The lady started screaming, literally "Ah!" over and over again and yelling at her husband to do something, so he tackled both me and my dog into the ant pile. Then they really started stinging. Happy had the yorkie by the scruff, the ants were all over my legs and in my shorts, the husband was on top of both of us, and then the wife started slapping us because Happy still hadn't let go. This lady was really freaking out, and she didn't have very good aim, so she missed a couple of times and got me instead. She broke my Fitbit and smacked my glasses off my face. So those were gone, Happy was stubbornly still holding the Yorkie, and the couple was screaming. Oh, and at some point the Yorkie stress-pooped on me. I was just completely at a loss. What else was I supposed to do? Happy eventually let go and the couple literally ran away. The whole time Puppy was chilling on her broken leash and Madison was open-mouth staring from her stroller at the curb.
I sent Tony a bunch of freak-out texts and started to walk everyone home. He honked at us from the street a few minutes later and took the dogs home. He didn't offer a ride and I didn't ask. My thumbs and wrists were both bleeding from the second Yorkie furiously defending his friend, but other than that I thought I was going to be fine. I realized how terribly hot it was getting right about the time that Tony sent me a picture of a small puncture on his hand. Happy had bit him too. He literally has never bitten any of us. I can picture it happening though because Tony gets really pushy with the dogs when they make him mad. That's not an excuse, but it is an explanation. So anyways, after I got that text, I started hearing my pulse whoosh in my ears, and they got really hot. I did not want to faint in the heat on that jogging trail because that part was off the road and out of plain view, so I hurried home. All I could think about the whole time was that I was going to have to put my dog down.
All of this gave me a small anxiety attack, and rushing around in the heat gave me mild heatstroke, so I got really nauseated before we could get back home. By the time I got us in the door, I was dizzy and my ears were ringing. I unbuckled Madison and rushed to the shower. Thinking, if I faint right now and need to ride in an ambulance to the ER, I am not going to do it smelling like stress-poop and body odor. Before I could get in, I felt my face heat up and my stomach start to cramp. Tony came in to check on me and ended up having to help me lie down on the floor. So dramatic. Like the part of the movies when the hero starts to black out from pain and exhaustion but keeps crawling forward. Except I looked pathetic. Sweaty. Red. Patchy. I crawled into the shower but couldn't stand the cramps. It was diarrhea time. Of course, that was about the time that Madison came in to see what was going on. Embarrassing moment number 1,523 for today. She clapped and said "potty!" I couldn't even laugh. Ant bites from my butt cheeks down to my toes, ridiculous stomach cramps, my face hotter than it's ever felt in my life... The freak out was soooo real y'all. If I had been thinking, I would have taken an anxiety pill. But anxiety pills are ironically the last thing I think about when I'm having an anxiety attack.
Tony works from home, by the way. He came to check on me several times and brought me a couple different things for the nausea. But what helped the most was Madison handing me saltines. She's unbelievably sweet when she emerges briefly from toddler ego-centrism to take care of someone or something. So I'm embarrassed about literally everything and burning up from the ants, but I'm fine. Mad about the Fitbit, but fine.
I don't have a lot planned for today besides meeting a new babysitter and buying a desk from a neighbor. God, please let the rest of the day be normal.
Wow hope you feel better
ReplyDeleteThanks. by the way Benadryl cream was the only relief I found, so keep that in mind if you find yourself in my shoes.
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